A Southern Woman’s New Year’s Resolutions

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  1. I will exercise every day. (As long as my favorite exercise outfit is clean, my best friend is free to exercise with me, and I don’t have to take another shower.)
  2. I will eat only healthy foods. (As long as they are covered in chocolate.)
  3. I will improve myself in some way every month. (Provided I do not have to read any self-help books, go to any counseling sessions, watch any instructional videos, or listen to smug, skinny, well-adjusted salespeople.)
  4. I will separate myself from negative people. (Is this child abandonment?)
  5. I will read the books I didn’t get to last year. (As long as someone else can do my work, wash clothes, run errands, and take care of my children.)
  6. I will prioritize my life. (I will not spend half a day making homemade cupcakes for children who will lick the icing off and throw the cupcake away.)
  7. I will spend more time with my dearest friends. (Instead of listening to mere acquaintances blather on about their ex-husbands.)
  8. I will plant an herb garden. (As long as I don’t have to water it or fertilize it or anything like that.)
  9. I will find one good thing in every person I meet. (Even if I have to admire someone’s handwriting.)
  10. I will be kind to animals. (Even if I hold up rush hour traffic for a tortoise.)
  11. I will encourage my friends in every new venture. (Even if it is a totally ridiculous idea, and everyone knows it.)
  12. I will be more adventurous. (I will run with scissors and gas up the car after the warning light comes on rather than with half a tank.)
  13. I will try a new hairstyle. (Surely there is some style out there that screams: “There is a woman in here underneath the mom attire!”)
  14. I will clean out my attic. (And stop pretending my husband will ever get to that.)
  15. I will balance my checkbook properly. (How hard can three-digit subtraction be?)
  16. I will be more tolerant of other people’s views. (Even if they are obviously uninformed idiots.)
  17. I will spend more time having fun. (And less time feeling guilty about that.)

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6 Comments

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6 responses to “A Southern Woman’s New Year’s Resolutions

  1. Gale Saxon Main

    or listen to smug, skinny, well-adjusted salespeople.) Is there any such thing; are really skinny well-adjusted? :) :)

  2. I am having so much fun reading your posts. I am hooked. You have a new friend! I will send your link to my girlfriends and post it on mykentuckyliv.com.
    Love your mama humor too!
    Sheila

  3. Reblogged this on mykentuckyliving and commented:
    I have just discovered Melinda Rainey Thompson! Please read some of her thoughts and opinions. I found myself nodding, smiling, and chuckling.
    This is a quick little post because I wanted to share Miss Melinda’s website before I forgot. Ha!

    The sun is out and the temps are mild in south central Ky today. There could be a blizzard tomorrow with this crazy weather pattern. I think an afternoon walk is in order.
    Msshe

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