How To Romance a Southern Woman


  1. Hold her hand voluntarily in public without looking embarrassed about it.
  2. If you really want to go for broke, turn her hand over and press a kiss on her palm. She’ll swoon in your arms. I guarantee it.
  3. Ask her if she’d like you to beat up somebody for her. Don’t worry. She won’t actually ask you to do it. It would just be nice if someone would occasionally offer.
  4. Just once, instead of the usual perfunctory peck on the lips before you leave town for a few days, grab that woman by the waist, pull her up against you, and plant a kiss on her lips she’ll remember to her dying day.
  5. Start the car one cold morning so that it is unexpectedly toasty when she climbs in for the first foray of the day. Leave a note on the windshield—not a Post-it reminding her to buy milk—a LOVE letter. It doesn’t have to be a Shakespearean sonnet. A hand-drawn heart and your initials can reduce even the meanest matron to a weepy puddle of sloppy sentiment.
  6. While she finishes cleaning up the kitchen, run a bubble bath for her. Light candles. Put a magazine or a trashy book by the tub for her to read. Lead her there with her eyes closed before the water cools. Smile at her. Kiss her on the lips. Then leave her alone to enjoy it.
  7. Bring her a guilty pleasure for no reason at all: a banana split, cheese straws, milk chocolate, or whatever you know really pots her plant. If she doesn’t like those things, bring them to me. I do.
  8. Take her on a date. PRETEND. The date cannot involve work clients, church functions, children’s activities, or any other mundane life events. CHOOSE to spend time with her. Woo her. You’re older now. You should be better at it. She might surprise you and woo you right back.
  9. Before she falls asleep one night, tell her about your favorite memory of her—extra points for details. Caution: make sure you get the details right. If your favorite memory of her turns out to actually involve a former wife/girlfriend, things could get ugly.
  10. 10. Make a sacrifice for her—of time, money, patience, or real blood. Women are biologically programmed to fall for strong providers and protectors. Use basic biology to your advantage. Real men are willing to take a bullet for the women they love, and nothing is more attractive to a woman than a wounded warrior.

* Want more? This list is an excerpt from my 3rd book, I Love You–Now Hush. My co-author for that book, Morgan Murphy, has a hilarious accompanying list, “How to Romance a Southern Man.” It’s my favorite thing in the book!


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3 responses to “How To Romance a Southern Woman

  1. Question… yes, uh thank you… why kiss on the palm? Is there bacon in there. The back of the hand seems more Rhett Butlery.

  2. Sorry, sorry, readers! Excerpt is from book 3, I Love You–Now Hush! I’ve Had It Up To Teenagers is book 4. You’d think I’d get that right….

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