resolutions | melindaraineythompson

I will exercise every day. (As long as my favorite exercise outfit is clean, my best friend is free to exercise with me, and I don’t have to take another shower.)
I will eat only healthy foods. (As long as they are covered in chocolate.)
I will improve myself in some way every month. (Provided I do not have to read any self-help books, go to any counseling sessions, watch any instructional videos, or listen to smug, skinny, well-adjusted salespeople.)
I will separate myself from negative people. (Is this child abandonment?)
I will read the books I didn’t get to last year. (As long as someone else can do my work, wash clothes, run errands, and take care of my children.)
I will prioritize my life. (I will not spend half a day making homemade cupcakes for children who will lick the icing off and throw the cupcake away.)
I will spend more time with my dearest friends. (Instead of listening to mere acquaintances blather on about their ex-husbands.)
I will plant an herb garden. (As long as I don’t have to water it or fertilize it or anything like that.)
I will find one good thing in every person I meet. (Even if I have to admire someone’s handwriting.)
I will be kind to animals. (Even if I hold up rush hour traffic for a tortoise.)
I will encourage my friends in every new venture. (Even if it is a totally ridiculous idea, and everyone knows it.)
I will be more adventurous. (I will run with scissors and gas up the car after the warning light comes on rather than with half a tank.)
I will try a new hairstyle. (Surely there is some style out there that screams: “There is a woman in here underneath the mom attire!”)
I will clean out my attic. (And stop pretending my husband will ever get to that.)
I will balance my checkbook properly. (How hard can three-digit subtraction be?)
I will be more tolerant of other people’s views. (Even if they are obviously uninformed idiots.)
I will spend more time having fun. (And less time feeling guilty about that.)